Here at Glenn Clark Radio, we always reflect on the Baltimore Ravens game in a more jovial manner. In retrospect, we like to choose five players on the team who — depending on the outcome of the game — deserve a Pat On The Ass or Slap To The Helmet.
The rules are simple: pick two players on defense, two players on offense, and one “wild card” (an offensive player, defensive player, special teamer or coach) who stuck out from the pack.
With the Ravens season in the books, we decided to hand out both our Pats and our Slaps for the totality of the season.
They will count down in sequential order before we name the ultimate prize — Two Pats to the Ass and Two Slaps to the Helmet. That one player who one single Slap just wouldn’t sit right.
Without further ado:
Glenn’s Pats on the Ass, First Half:
5. DL Calais Campbell
It’s quite frustrating that the rules require a second defensive player because there really wasn’t another one who was particularly good from Week 1 through Week 18. But Campbell was consistent and pretty close.
4. LB Tyus Bowser
By far the team’s best defensive player this season.
3. OL Kevin Zeitler
It’s almost unreal just how good Kevin Zeitler was this season. In a one year vacuum, one of the best free agent signings in Ravens history.
2. K Justin Tucker
He’s Justin Tucker. Perhaps you remember he kicked a 66 yard field goal to win a game.
1. TE Mark Andrews (two pats)
The obvious choice for Team MVP as the best player from start to finish
Glenn’s Slaps to the Helmet, First Half:
5. WR Sammy Watkins
Not that it wasn’t expected, but he was a non-factor.
4. EDGE Justin Houston
Same.
3. DC Don “Wink” Martindale
I know injuries were significant, but no one in the NFL allowed more than the Ravens’ six yards per play this season and the pass rush thing cannot be ignored.
2. CB Marlon Humphrey
There was no more stark contrast between what was expected from a player and what the team actually got from that player this season than Humphrey before he got hurt. They needed him to be a superstar, impact corner. He was not.
1. OT Alejandro Villanueva (two slaps)
Unlike Zeitler, one of the great misses in the history of this front office.
Paul Valle’s Pats on the Ass, First half:
5. Chuck Clark
Maybe because he was the last man standing in a depleted secondary, or maybe because there was a noticeable difference in the secondary when he returned from Covid Protocols. Either way, Chuck Clark was consistent in 2021.
4. Tyus Bowser
He was the best player on the Ravens defense all season and while no particular stat stood out, he was all over the field and deserved Pro Bowl recognition.
3. Justin Tucker
He kicked a game-winning 66-yard FG and missed just two kicks all year. He’s the G.O.A.T. and as though he shall be treated.
2. Kevin Zeitler
He allowed zero sacks and like one pressure. The dude played at an All-Pro level and nobody talked about him.
1. Mark Andrews (Two Pats)
He signed for four years, $56 million and then went out and set the Ravens franchise marks for receptions and receiving yards in a single season. Even when he was covered, the All-Pro was open. He’s the runaway for number one.
Paul Valle’s Slaps to the Helmet, First Half:
5. Lamar Jackson
I hate putting him here. He is genuinely one of my favorite athletes in Baltimore sports history. But I can’t ignore how bad he was in his final four games and how he never adjusted to the cover zero blitz.
4. Josh Oliver
Oliver came in the Baltimore with an opportunity to seize a solid role, and he ended up ceding time to Eric Tomlinson. And not because Tomlinson was having some great season. Oliver contributed next to nothing.
3. Marlon Humphrey
He didn’t play like a $98 million corner. He wasn’t awful as a whole, but at times he was, and his play was glaring because of the expectations.
2. Tavon Young
At one point this man was the highest paid slot corner in the league. Then he got hurt. And then hurt again. And then he finally played a full season in 2021, and he was bad. I saw the back of his jersey A LOT. The Ravens needed him to step up, and he didn’t.
1. Alejandro Villanueva (Two Slaps)
He was the worst player on the team, and there were players who wouldn’t have made an XFL roster playing out of necessity. The signing never made sense, and it still doesn’t.
To listen to the segment in its entirety, press play below.
