Here at Glenn Clark Radio, we always reflect on the Baltimore Ravens game in a more jovial manner.  In retrospect, we like to choose five players on the team who — depending on the outcome of the game — deserve a Pat On The Ass or Slap To The Helmet.

The rules are simple: pick two players on defense, two players on offense, and one “wild card” (an offensive player, defensive player, special teamer or coach) who stuck out from the pack.

As you all are surely aware, the Ravens beat the Colts in stunning fashion in Week 5, and as a result, we have some Ass Pats to hand out.

They will count down in sequential order before we name the ultimate prize — Two Pats on the Ass.  That one player who one single Pat just wouldn’t sit right.

Without further ado:

Glenn’s Pats on the Ass, Week 5:

5. Defensive Lineman/Special Teams Calais Campbell

YES, I’m cheating because I’m putting a guy on the list whose contribution was via Special Teams and I’m counting him as a defensive player. I don’t care. It was a weird night.

4. EDGE Odafe Oweh

Sure, it was one play. But that’s kinda what defense is in the NFL in 2021. Can you make one huge, game-changing play? 

3. WR Marquise “Hollywood” Brown

Remember what happened against Detroit? Me neither. 

2. TE Mark Andrews

You could argue he was the player that did what he does the best of anyone last night. Does that make sense? Like he did basically nothing wrong. I’m not eloquent.

1. QB Lamar Jackson (two pats)

The National Football League Network was asking if the Ravens should be concerned about him as a passer.

Kyle Ottenheimer’s Pats on the Ass, Week 5:

5. Odafe Oweh

The strip sack was a great play at a time when the Ravens were on the cusp of going down in what may have seemed an insurmountable fashion. Of course, that didn’t stop them from going down by what may have seemed an insurmountable fashion…

4. Calais Campbell

Didn’t play all that well on defense, so, sure, we are cheating, but man oh man, that was as opportune of a blocked kick as I can remember. Helps being 6-foot-7.

3. Hollywood Brown

What more is there to be said about the growth he’s experienced? Perhaps the aspect I was most impressed with was his tough running after the catch. He has become a threat at all levels of the field.

2. Mark Andrews

The most consistently great Raven in last night’s game. The one-handed catch was tremendous. He flashed every bit of the traits that make him one of the most dangerous receiving tight ends in football.

1. Lamar Jackson

I mean, there is no need to explain. I initially had Andrews at No. 1. At the end of the day, it was impossible not to switch their placement. He had some moments you wish you could do over, sure, but he is simply the most dynamic talent in football. As long as he’s healthy, the Ravens have a chance.

Paul Valle’s Pats on the Ass, Week 5:

5.  Odafe Oweh

He’s a monster. Strip sack, looks like the best player on the defense at times

4. Calais Campbell

Blocked field goal. Pressure forced a key holding call late in the game. Bullrushed two dudes to block that FG

3. Hollywood Brown

9 catches, 124 yds, 2 TD. He’s a no. One and thats what no. One’s do

2. Mark Andrews

Playing in honor of his grandmother, he put up a career game. 11 catches, 147 yards, 2 TD, a 2-pt conversion. He was the best player on the field not named Lamar Jackson.

1. Lamar Jackson

Three passing records set in one night. 37-43, 442 yds, 4 TDs. Comes back from down 22-3 with 3 minutes left in the third, and 25-9 with 10 minutes left in the 4th. He was absolutely sensational, and after 5 weeks could be the front runner for MVP.

To listen to the segment in its entirety, press play below.

Kyle Ottenheimer

Listen to Glenn Clark Radio live Monday-Friday from 10 a.m. to noon. Follow Glenn Clark Radio on Twitter at @GlennClarkRadio.